Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
