They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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