Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
