When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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