2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
