dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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