forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize