I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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