Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
