Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
