I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
