no you cant smoke seaweed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
