North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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