I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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