highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He? As in you personified your dick?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize