why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
