he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
