The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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