Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
