I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
