we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
