so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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