he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
