do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
