Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
