Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
