Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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