SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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