That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
