Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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