Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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