I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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