She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize