I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
