was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize