i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
