I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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