I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
