i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
