I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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