Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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