THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
