No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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