Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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