When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
