Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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