Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize