highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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