I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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