Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
