dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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