Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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