great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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