called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
