I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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