A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
