Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
