Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
