I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
