you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
