booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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