You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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