He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
