so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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