i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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