There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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