He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
