There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
