you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
