fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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