she woke up with a sticky ear
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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