Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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