i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
