Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
