when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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