just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
