Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
