Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
