happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize