I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
