Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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