He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
