I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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