Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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