Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
