Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
