I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
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