so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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