Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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