i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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